6. The Terror of the Light

God is Light, and inside of Him is no darkness, not at all.

I am compelled to insert a most fitting lesson into our study of John’s letters, for it comes out from God sharing the agony of my soul with me. I want to start by weaving together a series of verses regarding Light. I am also writing out from a far brighter knowing of what Light is than I have known, including just a few weeks ago when I began this study. Light is the most frightening thing there is to any human; Light is the ONLY place where we can hide safely.

Light Makes Visible. Light is that which makes visible (Ephesians 5:13).

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking… and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam…, “Where are you?” So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” Then the man said, “The woman…” And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent…” (Genesis 3).

The Judgment. This is the judgment, that the light has come into the world-cosmos and men love the darkness rather than the light, for their deeds are evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, that his deeds might not be exposed. The one practicing the truth, however, comes to the light, that his deeds might be made visible that they have been done inside of God (John 3:19-21).

Let’s define darkness. First, darkness is NOT the opposite of light. Darkness is a figment of human psychotic imagination that fig leaves, tree trunks, and blaming others actually causes the removal of all LIGHT.

From One Tree to the Other. Now, we always read these verses from John 3 wrong, that is, we read them inside the tree of good and evil. The deeds of the first person are evil deeds, and he does not want them exposed. That’s easy to understand. Then, we have always surmised that the deeds of the second are good deeds, something we have to try desperately to do lest we be caught in the “evil” category.

BUT – look at the precise wording again. The second doer is no different from the first, same set of good and bad deeds. The second doer, however, steps out into the light (truth) and accepts that everything is always inside of God.

To Acknowledge. The second doer, the “second Adam,” places all of his deeds upon the Lord Jesus and places the Lord Jesus upon himself in that moment. This is what God is after – honesty. – If we should acknowledge our sin and disconnection, He is faithful and just, that He might remove from us our sins and might cleanse us from all injustice and hurt.

“Acknowledge” is – stepping out into the light. That Light, then, is Life, that is, knowing the Father as One who shares life with us. And Father is good and kind, filled with joy, wisdom, and abundance.

Nothing Unseen. You see, there is no darkness. You are not hiding. Everything is open and visible inside of God always.

And there is no created thing unseen in His presence, for all are uncovered and laid bare to the eyes of Him to whom is our word of account [our story of self] in return (Hebrews 5:13). – For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops (Luke 12:2-3).

Hide in the Light. Come, my people, enter your chambers, And shut your doors behind you; hide yourself, as it were, for a little moment, until the indignation is past (Isaiah 26:20).

Inside of Him is life actively, and this life is the light of humans. This light is made visible inside of the darkness, and the darkness does not seize hold of it. – That Light is true, who gives light to every man entering into the world-cosmos (John 1:4-5 & 9).  

“I am the light of the world-cosmos; the one accompanying Me shall not walk in the darkness [of dishonesty], but will possess the light of life” (John 8:12).

Remain in the Fire. “Behold, I continuously come like a thief. Blessed is the one wakeful and alert, keeping watch over his garments, so that he should not walk naked, and that they might not see his shame” (Revelation 16:15).

The sinners in Zion are afraid; Fearfulness has seized the hypocrites: “Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? Who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?” (Isaiah 33:14).

The one who contemptuously despises his brother is inside of the darkness [of dishonesty], and walks inside the darkness; and he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes (1 John 1:11).

Enclothed with Light. We …should enclothe ourselves with the armor of light. – Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, enclothe yourself with, sink into the Lord Jesus Christ as into a garment, and do not give thought [one way or the other] regarding the desires of the flesh (Romans 13:12 & 14).

And a great sign was perceived in heaven, a woman enclothed with the sun… (Revelation 12:1).

Every single VOICE crying inside the human soul asserts that safety is found inside of darkness. God says that safety is found only inside of LIGHT. What am I saying? I am speaking of far more than “safety.”

Seized by Fear. I was told recently that someone whom I mention a number of times in my life story is very angry at me for posting those references on the Internet. The moment I heard that, my soul was seized by fear, confusion, and pain. It was a day-and-a-half before I found the resolution to my terror inside of God. This was not a demonic fear, for demonic fear always brings “darkness” in which one can pretend to “hide.” I felt as if everything I have written in my present knowledge of God was beyond worthless, yet I did not want to be anywhere but inside of God, inside of LIGHT.

God with Me. Through all the hours of confusion, and it was more awful than normal, the only thing I said to myself was, “Father, I want You to be part of me, regardless. I don’t want to be anything else than sharing all with You.”

Finally, after a day-and-a-half, in a momentary spasm of pain, I said to God, “Father, You are sharing Your own pain with me, and I give this pain back to You FOR THE SAKE of this person.” In that moment power went out from me, and I KNEW that the heavens around this person just changed and that soon they will be giving thanks inside of and for the sake of all. And in that moment, I knew JOY.

The Terror of the Light. Through all those hours of confusion, the question of my heart inside of God was about LIGHT!!! You see, in the moment that Joy came again to me, I also knew the terror of the Light.

To enclothe ourselves with Consuming FIRE seems to us to be no hiding place at all. Yet it is the only safe place there is. The truth is, from Adam until today, all humans, including myself, are viscerally terrified of – being found out. Yet God is only Light. You are naked and exposed always, regardless. God is very different from what I have thought. I hope to convey to you what that means.

The Appearance of Vapor. There is no such thing as the world. There is no such thing as the beast. Yes, these things are an appearance, but an appearance that is less than paper thin. The simple arising of the sunlight causes all the hullabaloo and noise and fear of this world to vanish like a vapor, for they are not real.

God is real. And God is God. And God is THICK. God is all. And all things are found only inside of God. We have NO concern about anything except GOD. BUT – the whole point is that the paper-thin insanity in this world CANNOT be vaporized except by Light.

An Onslaught of Anger. The revelation of Jesus Christ happens first, before the darkness vanishes as the nonsense it is.

Back to my life story. I am still struggling with completing the final year because I must convey to you the wondrous place into which God has brought me, but I cannot do that without Light. And people hate light. There is NO CAUSE to hate the light, as Jesus said, “They hated Me without a cause,” for inside the Light is found only goodness and life. Many more people will be angry with me when they discover their names and deeds exposed in my life story.

This Is My Story. I know that many believe that I am wrong, that I am missing God entirely, by sharing my experiences with others publicly. Now, if I were not placing the Lord Jesus Christ upon every moment of my life, including upon each individual person, then they would be right, as John said. – The one who contemptuously despises his brother is inside of the darkness.

Yet my confusion is this. This is my life story, and I have the right to share the causes of all my hurt. Of truth, this is part of the bullying autistic people experience – “You have no right to share your hurt.” Yet I am also compelled to cover the person with blessing.

Except I See Him First. Writing my life story as an account given inside the presence of God is the most wonderful thing I have ever done, for by it I know Father-with-me as I have always longed to know Him. Indeed, the very action of giving my account publicly is the action of enclothing myself with the Lord Jesus Christ, as the gospel commands us to do. It is the unveiling of Jesus Christ.

People cannot see Jesus except I see Him first all through every moment of my life. I am the LIGHT of the world, as Jesus said.

All Deeds Shout! This is the whole point of the gospel. – You will see Me ONLY when you see ME in the face of your brothers and sisters. – The revelation of Jesus Christ.

But consider reality, as well as the lie of all opposition. You think you’re hiding. People actually imagine they are not seen and their words are not heard. Every wrong word and every wrong action you have ever done towards any and every person you have interacted with across the whole span of your life is SHOUTING right now in the heavens, out from your being and persona, and in the life of that other person, SHOUTING, SHOUTING.

Why We Give Thanks. The person who is angry with me is not giving thanks in the present moment. The person imagines that they can hide their life in the darkness. I know that I must hide myself in the LIGHT.

For that reason, in the mind of that person right now, I am an enemy. Enclothing myself with the Lord Jesus Christ in public boldness threatens to overthrow all the careful “darkness.” And please understand, I say that only with compassion, for I know the terror of the Light. And I know the power of my Savior to include this person into Himself even more.

Does Jesus Know? Having written thus far, I found myself back into the same confusion and terror, yet I will not separate myself from God. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of the hurt that I have caused family members, being exposed to me.

More than that, in order to complete my life story, I must show you the great turmoil in which I have passed this last year-and-a-half that has wrought in me a “new direction.” But to do that, I must bring into the light the deeds of four individuals. I am torn inside out. Does Jesus know the terror of the light?

The Most Terrifying Words. He was tempted, according to all in exactly the same way as we are, yet without ever falling short or disconnecting from God (Hebrews 4:15).

There are no more terrifying words in the Bible or in human history than, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” Yet Jesus never separated Himself from God – I know that You always hear Me (Psalm 22).

No condemnation ever comes to anyone from a God of light. All condemnation is entirely self-inflicted. “Hide us from the wrath of the Lamb.” – “They hated Me without a cause.”

Christ Is All First. A Church CLOTHED with the Lord Jesus Christ as “the light of the sun” is the cause of the unleashed hatred, fear, and fury of all in this world who imagine that darkness somehow hides them. But God is a God of compassion, full of mercy and grace. And the only place where the sins of anyone can be taken away is inside of Him, inside the Lord Jesus.

And then lawlessness will be unveiled which the Lord Jesus will eliminate with the breath of His mouth and will render inoperative by His presence made visible and known (2 Thessalonians 2:8). – Light is GOOD!!! – Christ is ALL first, before anything not-Christ can vanish.

My Dilemma – God’s Dilemma! Here, then, is my dilemma. A God who is Light is also a God who is Love. And Love not only suffers long, it also COVERS all for all.

How can I be the revelation of Jesus Christ except by the turning on of the lights? How can I give an account of my life in the presence of All-Light and All-Love without “exposing the deeds,” that is, sharing those words and actions of others that brought great hurt to me? Yet how can I also COVER with compassion and kindness my brothers and sisters and not expose them to awfulness?

This isn’t just my dilemma – this is God’s dilemma!

Compassion. As I wrote that last line, I realized that God has given us the answer to the great question. Why six thousand years of hell? Why, if the Church is the fulness of Christ, has there been two thousand years of anti-Christ?

I have compassion on all these in my life’s account whose “deeds” I have brought into the light, for I know the fear of the light and I know the enormous hurt as well as the rage of some who will strike you down rather than accept any light. What does it mean to accept the light? It means to say, “I was wrong, please forgive me.” And immediately all the offence vanishes as if it never was. – To refuse the light is to force the hurt to continue in both.

And We Also. How does God show that all things are already fully visible, even while covering all with compassion? He does not do it by “snapping His fingers.” He does it by the Walk of the Atonement, by Psalm 22. And He does it by 1 John 3:16 – And we also.

The “And we also” is the key to everything. The “And we also” is the unveiling of Jesus Christ. – By this we have known love because He set forth His soul for us, for our sakes, and we also are committed to setting forth our souls for our brothers and sisters. – In the time of the greatest fury and opposition.

Sharing the Same Hurt. Compassion – sympathy – empathy. Com (Latin) – pathos (Greek). Sym (Greek) – pathos (Greek). En (All Indo-European) – pathos (Greek). English is a jumbled up mess. Technically, compassion and sympathy are identical, sharing the same hurt. Empathy is only slightly different, inside the same hurt.

I know the hurt of the person who is angry with me, for I share the same hurt. Indeed that hurt is inside of me and I am inside of it. Indeed it is Jesus who really shares the hurt. And the one thing I can do for this person with whom I share hurt is to set forth my soul for them – into the Light.

His True Heart. And so I bring this person with me into the light, into the Lord Jesus Christ, and I cover them with His garments, garments of light that cannot be stripped away. This is what I have done through my entire account; even as I have placed the Lord Jesus as a garment of LIGHT upon myself in every interaction, so I have placed Him as well upon that person – with compassion, with sharing the same hurt.

When I know that I extend to any person a sharing of the same hurt with them, then I find all my own fear vanishing, for God my Father shares all with me, and I know that He has shown His true Heart to me as I have never known.

Reading for Next Time. Now we are ready for the next session, which is the ruling verse of John’s letters – 1 John 3:16. We will have two lessons for two pages, but until I get started writing the next lesson, I’m not certain what I will title those two pages, or maybe I will have a title only on the first page, “I Set Forth My Soul.” We shall see.

By this we have known love because He set forth His soul for us, for our sakes, and we also are committed to setting forth our souls for our brothers and sisters. – This is our only pathway to seeing Jesus as He is, seeing His glory in one another’s faces, and thus being just like Him. This is sharing Hheart with God.

The Day of Atonement. It is seven years, now, until the season of the Feast of Tabernacles in 2029. God cleansed me of all mental desire to “figure out” His times and seasons, something I do not do. Yet it is the Anointing in me out from which arises the knowing that these seven years are a big deal to God.

In the same way, I realize that in this year of our Lord, 2022, it is the fulfillment of the Day of Atonement in the KNOWING of the entire Church that is His business. The Day of Atonement, and what I have done with my agony this last while, are the same Completion of 1 John 3:16.