3. Grace Carries Me

I must share with you more on the strange difficulty into which God carried me as I began to write the last lesson. I had written the first few subheadings, but what happened next, I wrote down first as one part of my paper introducing Shepherd Bible Center (a part I am now moving to here). Then, I continued writing “Salvation Revealed Through Me Now,” even while placing myself completely into God’s Fire, determined, but unsure. My difficulty did not begin to be resolved until March 13, the morning that I finally wrote the Jesus Secret boxes and the final connecting pieces.

I want to share here what I had written first, thus we are dropping back to the beginning of writing the last lesson.

Explaining My Dilemma. In November of 1992, when God spoke to me, “Immigrate to Blair Valley,” and in February of 1993, when He said, “Blair Valley will be your home,” the whispering of the Spirit began inside my heart concerning a different kind of Christian Community than what I had known. But it was in November of 1994, in the prayer hut on the wooded hillside in Oregon, that the vision of the community of my heart with a Bible school at its center was fully formed inside of me. A number of qualities from that place, Christian Renewal Center, were included in that vision.

But I did something inside myself in the summer of 1998, as we were preparing to leave Blair Valley and the move, that I have mostly forgotten.

I did allude to what I did in that chapter of my life story, but I have simply not considered it from then until now. I did it to protect myself, so that I could somehow make this break, to keep my sanity, which was teetering on the brink, and that I might provide for my family. I took a group of related and awful emotions that I had known in my years of Community experience in the move fellowship. I deliberately and with strength disassociated myself from them, placing them into a sealed vault deep inside and forbidding their return. This act was entirely of the Lord and for my protection.

In the present time, from June through December of last year, 2024, we experienced a series of devastating losses, including some mighty hammer blows from the Master Craftsman. The most difficult of those losses was the passing of my dear friend, Peter Douglas, who had become a far greater strength to me that I had realized. All of these experiences and losses left me feeling terribly inadequate and alone.

In the early hours of March 10, 2025, a Monday, I had a dream. The circumstances inside that dream allowed the first of those “feelings” of great powerlessness that I had locked away to surface once again. And suddenly I knew that I needed deliverance.

Now, I had just written these words and had emphasized their great importance in the Zoom meeting on March 9. ~ “I NEVER try to remove that which does not belong, but I ALWAYS cast myself into a God who saves me, a God who, Himself alone, takes from me all that is not of Him.”

And so I placed myself into God and into His deliverance, for how could I possibly know what any of these things meant or how they needed to be exposed and removed? Jesus my Savior alone removes from me that which is not of Him. But I continued to place myself into the Spirit of deliverance, into His hand.

These were feelings of great inadequacy and hopelessness, feelings of being trapped under lostness and confusion with no chance of escape, feelings of being shut down, of being put ‘in my place,” not just by other people, but even by God, the hearing of “No,” “No,” “No” towards so many things. You see, I could not tell the difference between “No’s” from God that saved me from wrong directions and “No’s” that were just endless confusion. So I simply refused them all.

I had just asked my readers to look at the worst moments of their lives, both things that happened to them and things they did to others. Coming out from my dream, I realized that I have lived a protected life. I have never known or seen any kind of abuse other than words of bullying and put-down. Most would look at that which was overwhelming to me and think, “What’s the big deal?” Many, following my directive, would be looking at things I have never known. What awfulness was I sending them into?

By late afternoon on Monday, a great peace came into my heart, along with a feeling I have not known for many years, the feeling of great strength of authority inside of God. I did not say anything, for I did not think the deliverance was complete, but I now had GREAT HOPE in God, for I knew exactly what He was doing.

Sure enough, as I awoke on Tuesday morning, March 11, I knew that the deliverance must continue. But again, I have neither wisdom nor strength. I must continue to place myself utterly into my Savior and into His mighty hand of deliverance.

Then I considered my loss of physical strength, when it began. It is of no surprise to me that it began in the winter of 1992 to 1993, at the same time God said, “Blair Valley will be your home” and began to plant inside of me a vision for the community of my heart. The loss of physical strength was slow, but it came to its lowest point in the winter of 1997 to 1998 at Blair Valley. I know that some of the causal feelings that were associated with that loss of strength were locked up also in that sealed and forgotten vault.

Let me ask you this, however. What was the cause of the emotions of inadequacy, put-down, and feeling trapped with no escape? To a large extent – my sufficiency in self. And so I submit to you that God has a purpose in His “dealings” with you, in all chastisement, in all restraint and failure, in all the fires of judgment. That purpose includes to remove from you ALL of your sufficiency in self by replacing it with ALL-Sufficiency in God. And so He has done with me.
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Okay, that’s always the first part of our response, but I still DID NOT know what God meant. After I had written this much early on Tuesday, I continued to write these lessons, but full resolution would not come until Friday evening.
 
A Bubble of Grace. I have been carried inside a bubble of Grace my entire life, as has Maureen. At times that Grace keeping us was thickly tangible to us. We knew that it was God.

We are carried through faith into Salvation, but, according to Peter, two things carry us through this gauntlet run, the Power of God and this Carrying Grace. These are the same thing, of course, but the second Grace is the Source, the Covenant, Grace as God sharing our lives with us and we sharing His Life with Him. Only then does Grace become God’s enabling power keeping us as the Kingdom. Of course, we experience God’s enabling power before we know that God sharing life with us has always been first. Let’s begin with the confessions of faith.

Statements of Faith. I have strengthened the thoughts of my mind; I am sober-minded. I have submitted to Word; I conduct my steps carefully in the acknowledgement of God-with-me. I set my hope fully upon God’s enabling presence carrying me. God as Grace carries me inside of the unveiling of Jesus Christ. As the cover is removed, so Christ is seen through me.

I am redeemed out from all useless living. I am redeemed by the precious blood of Christ. The Lamb whom God knows inside Himself has now become visible to me for my sake. My faith and hope penetrate with purpose into God. Inside of that Lamb and by His Blood, God is devoted to me and I am devoted to God.

1 Peter 1:13-16. Let’s now bring in our primary passage. – Therefore, since you have girded up the loins of your mind and are sober-minded, set your hope fully upon the grace [God’s enabling presence – God sharing Life with you], being brought to you and carrying you inside of the unveiling of Jesus Christ. As children submitting to word, do not design or shape yourselves to your former passionate desires held in ignorance [that is, not knowing God]. But as the One who called you is devoted, so also be devoted [to God] yourselves in all your manner of life, as it is written, “You will be devoted to Me, because I am devoted to you” (Leviticus 11:44).

For our present need, the key phrase is “inside the unveiling.”

When Hope Is Complete. Hope is a curious thing, for hope is temporary. I hoped, every day for fourteen long years, to be married. My hope came to a complete end on September 29, 1990. In the thirty-four plus years since, I have not “hoped to be married” once. Hope ceases when the real has come. It is forty-eight years, now, that I have set my hope on the unveiling of Jesus Christ, on the Apocalypse actually; my hope is coming to its end.

I want to talk about real Hope; Hope I did not know in February of 1998, though He always filled me full. From my difficult dream in the early hours of March 10, 2025, to its full resolution in the later hours of Friday, March 14, my Hope and expectation in God was filled full.

Expecting God. I expected that the Fire of God, revealing to me all the inadequacies of my split-open soul, was Good. I expected that God was on my side, and that His determination towards me would not slow down until He had brought full deliverance.

I expected that God would show me what I needed to see and that He would take from me, out from that “vault,” what needed to be removed. I expected that God would keep and strengthen those things that were of Him that I had also “locked up” in my mental barricades.

I expected that God would share with me any cost, and that I would know my Father ever more deeply when all was resolved.

This Hope in Him. Deliverance and resolution came to me by late Friday evening, as I was trying to go back to sleep, sitting in my chair, just before midnight. Here is the astonishing thing, and why it is God alone in whom we HOPE. Full resolution turned out to be that “90%” of what I had locked away was God sharing Himself with me. The other “10%,” the part that God removed in a moment of sharp deliverance, was the one thing the evil one does, that is, the lie that God was far away from me, that He was NOT sharing my every moment with me for the sake of others.

Hope, then, is active trust, the expectation that God knows me, that His Fire is good, and that He makes me to be just like the Lord Jesus Christ (1 John 3:3 – this hope in Him).

My Hope Set. My hope is set on a Grace being brought to me by Jesus, a Grace I have never before known, the deep presence of God sharing my life with me. I expect the Fire of God claiming for Himself all that I am. I expect everything not of God to be gone from me and everything that is God to remain. I expect the enduring knowing of Father sharing all with me. I expect Grace, and as that Grace becomes my all, my hope comes to its full completion.

Inside the Apocalypse. This writing for the JS2 has already given us all we need for the meaning of Grace, when we write that box. What we need now is where this particular Carrying Grace is to be found. This Grace, not yet known in its full meaning by Peter or Paul or any New Testament writer, is found inside of the unveiling of Jesus Christ, inside of the Apocalypse. The meaning of this has become so large and substantial, and different from anything I once thought.

Now, I intend to bring into this study those things God did inside of me and showed me of Himself through that momentous offering of my broken soul to Him through the week of March 10-14, 2025, but only a bit at a time. To know the context, read Chapter 5 in A Tale of Three Kings again, the “school” God provides for you.

Visible in the Heavens. We went through a whole teaching on “The Apocalypse Now,” and have a firm understanding of its larger meaning, but here we want to know how this Carrying Grace is found inside of the Unveiling.

We are speaking of Revelation 12:1-11. John saw two things “in the heavens,” a woman clothed with the Lord Jesus and a great fire-colored dragon. Neither of these are visible “in the earth,” that is, they are not yet apparent to humans or even to most Christians. And I will say with certainty that the time is now. I would suggest that the time period from Passover to Tabernacles in this year of our Lord 2025 is a momentous time. If I am mistaken, no big deal. I have never found my many mistakes to be any reason to slow down.

Our Season of Opportunity. We are inside our season of opportunity; let us seize hold of our God with all intensity. It is for this moment that Jesus Himself has been Carrying this Grace to us.

Two things happen. The second is that Satan and all with him LOSE THEIR STRENGTH. They are cast out of the heavenly realms and are forced to become visible in the earth. Those who have been calling him forth do not understand that he appears because he is finished, and that “sympathy for the devil” is one of the stupidest ideas ever fantasized.

But something far more meaningful happens first and is the cause of the demonic disaster. And that something is found in the seeing of the eye, eyes of Fire, the judgment of God’s True Mercy Seat.

“THEY.” I want to make the Grace now carrying us inside of the Unveiling to be very practical to us right now. And THEY overcame him. Put yourself into “THEY,” into the Hand and Fire of God, through confidence of faith, for there is no other place to be.

The Church in all heaven and earth, all whom the Father has given to Jesus in this hour, are already and fully clothed with the Lord Jesus Christ, a Church on Fire in the heavens. No one on earth sees such a thing – except those who see with God through eyes of Fire. Here is God’s Mercy Seat, the door wide-open for Him. – By the Blood of the Lamb, by the Word of their testimony, and THEY loved not their souls unto death.

To Be What We Are. The Grace that Jesus is continuously bringing to us right now, the Grace that is Carrying us now inside of the Unveiling, is the Grace to be what we are, to be what God needs, to be just like the Lord Jesus Christ right here on this earth, right now in this year of our Lord, 2025. Grace, God sharing our lives with us and we sharing God’s Life with Him, this living Grace, in the mighty hands of Jesus, our hearts and our Life, this Grace Carrying us, has a PURPOSE, the purpose of all the ages.

The Church of Jesus Christ is a harlot right now by outward appearance to the eyes of men. We are speaking of our brothers and sisters all across the earth. Yet our eyes are open, and we see not as men, but as God.

Our Split-Open Souls. We see our brethren all across the earth clothed with the white-hot Fire that is the purity and devotion of Jesus. We see the false spirits who have lied about God, to us and to all Christians, falling into the darkness below. We sit upon the absolute Atonement of the Blood, and we call God into His Church, speaking Christ upon the Church, the Word of our Testimony that God speaks the Truth.

But most of all, we place our split-open souls into the Hands and Fire of our God, withholding nothing, hiding nothing, expecting God in all, that we might set forth our souls for the sake of our brothers and sisters, that our hearts, the Mercy Seat of heaven, might be God’s wide-open Door into our world. And we cast ourselves utterly into this GRACE Carrying us, inside of the Apocalypse.

Inside the Unveiling. The unveiling is the removal of all false seeing from my eyes, that I might see all things as God sees them. I look upon the Church, all who belong to Jesus, fully aware that she is a harlot, yet I see her clothed with Jesus, with the white-hot purity of His devotion, cleansed utterly by His Blood. The final Grace of God-with-me now comes inside of this seeing, that I might be God-empowered to call my brethren out from darkness into all the knowledge of God. By this Grace, I give my soul utterly for the Bride, inside the Fire, for Father coming Home.

Two Views of Grace. Now we come to the two views of Grace, both of which are found in Peter’s use of the passive tense for “pheron,” Grace brought to us by Jesus, and Grace carrying us now. This picture is described for us by Jacob’s ladder, the angels descending and ascending, along with other similar metaphors. This is the very nature of the Lord Jesus, how He lives, coming always to us out from God, carrying us always inside Himself back into the Father.

Our full connection with God our Father is inside of us, inside our hearts. It is vital to us to know the meaning of this Grace, that it is Jesus always carrying to us a shared Life with our Father, and then that shared Life with Father, always carrying us, our only existence.

Jacob’s Ladder. Now Jacob… came to a certain place and stayed there all night, because the sun had set. And he took one of the stones of that place and put it at his head, and he lay down in that place to sleep. Then he dreamed, and behold, a ladder was set up on the earth, and its top reached to heaven; and there the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. And behold, the Lord stood above it and said: “I am the Lord God of Abraham your father… Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you.” Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.” And he was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven!” (Genesis 28:10-17).

The Grace of Authority. Let’s translate God’s word to Jacob into His same Word to us now. ~ “Look and see Jesus, my son, carrying My Grace to you. I am with you and I keep you everywhere you go, I am your Grace, I share your life with you and you share My Life with me. I will carry you into all the Life of Christ, with your brethren in your heart; for I never leave you. And I will do what I have spoken to you, every Word of the Gospel fulfilled, written in your heart and spoken in your mouth.”

Just because God uses the angels of Jacob’s ladder as a metaphor of this nature and purpose of the Lord Jesus, does not mean that angels themselves are not also with us. We know that mighty beings in the heavens are moving with our prayers for our brethren, casting Satan down. This Grace is the Grace of authority.

Grace Carried to Me. (I have the two aspects of Grace side by side and parallel.)

Jesus brings Grace to me. Jesus brings to me, every moment, this wondrous connection with God my Father in which I live. Jesus enables God and I to know one another and to share each other’s lives together. Jesus enables me to walk every next step inside the purposes of God. Jesus brings this Grace to me now inside the unveiling of His glory, that He and Father might make their Home in intimate participation with me. Jesus brings this Grace to me for the sake of His entire Church, that Father and I together might win their hearts.

Grace Carrying Me. This wondrous Grace Jesus has brought to me now carries me. Grace carries me; I am carried through all by this living bubble inside of which I live with God my Father. Inside of this Grace carrying me, I know the Father. Inside of this Grace carrying me, the authority of Christ in me is in harmony with all divine enablement of power. Out from this Grace carrying me, I give all return to the Father in loving my brethren as Jesus loves me. This Grace, this enabling presence of God with me creates the only reality I can know, reconciling all things to God.

Our Devotion. But as the One who called you is devoted, so also be devoted [to God] yourselves in all your manner of life, as it is written, “You will be devoted to Me, because I am devoted to you.” …Knowing that you were redeemed… by the precious and valued blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot…

Because we know the Grace not given at that time to Peter, we know that Peter’s entire admonition is found for us inside the Jesus Secret, Jesus Himself speaking us. Here is our Devotion. – For their sakes, I make Myself pure and devoted to You, that they also might be made pure and devoted inside of the truth (John 17:19). This is Grace carried to us as the Lord Jesus.

The Jesus Secret. My Beloved, I devoted Myself utterly to the Father for your sake, that you also might be devoted to Him inside of me. I devoted Myself to the Father before My Blood was shed for you. My Devotion comes to you inside that Blood, the Blood of the Covenant by which you live inside of this Grace carrying you, this shared life with the Father I always bring to you.

Every Word Fulfilled. God’s promise to Jacob is His promise to us – EVERY Word fulfilled. The word to Jacob was a foreshadowing, but His Word to us, in our hearts and mouths, is the entirety of The Jesus Secret II, the Living Grace of Father sharing all with us.

More than that, we are very much inside the final season of opportunity. Knowing this Carrying Grace is what we need, all that we need, to walk through the next days and months inside a world having gone insane. For out from this Grace there flows forth from us the fulfillment of every Gospel Word inside the Spirit given without measure, swallowing up death and darkness everywhere we go. We let this Grace permeate every crevice of our souls.

Reading for Next Time. The next lesson is titled “I am Conceived by a Living Word.” Peter begins and ends this chapter with reference to our conception out from God. Yet because he places everything else inside of completion, inside of the Unveiling, we will consider this topic from the same place. In fact, 1 Peter comes right after Hebrews in chronology, and thus we will focus on the meaning of sons, whom God prepares to offer for His Church.

Thus the “school” through which God took David, the “school of brokenness,” is our school as well. It took me sixty years to learn the meaning of HOPE as expressed in this lesson. Yet now we know that this Hope is where our lessons were meant to begin.

Let’s Pray Together. “God, our Father, we know that Jesus brings us the very Grace we must know in this hour of opportunity. Father, we are Your opportunity to come as Salvation into our world.

“Father, we see Jesus, our only Life, always carrying Your Grace to us. You are always with us and You keep us everywhere we go together, in every step we take with You. Father, You are our Grace, You share our lives with us and we share Your Life with You. You carry us into all the Life of Christ, with our brethren in our hearts; for You never leave us. God, our Father, You do what You have spoken to us, every Word of the Gospel fulfilled, written in our heart and spoken in our mouth. Father, You enter our world through us.

“God, our Father, we see Your Church, our Christian brethren all across the earth in their hour of great need. Regardless of outward appearance, we see her clothed with the white hot Fire of the purity and Devotion of Jesus. We see the demons who have lied to her about God and about Salvation falling away from her into the darkness below. Father, we know that You share with us our travail for her sake inside this Grace that joins us together. The cry of her pain is in our hearts, that she might bring forth Your knowledge into all creation.

“Father, You have given all Victory to us for the sake of Your people, even Victory over death. Father, we know that You always answer us, here, inside this Grace we share together, Your Grace always carrying us.”