8. Suffering and My Soul
This will be a JS2 page similar in layout to “Faith and My Soul.” In this study, I hope to draw from the experience of my own soul inside of God-Fire, in True Fear, the driving focus inside for nearly fifty years.
I acknowledge that I am a very strange sort of person. You see, since I was nineteen, I have lived inside of the up-front and immediate CERTAINTY that I WILL BE giving an account of myself, naked and alone, inside the Face and Presence of the Almighty. When He asks me, what answer will I give? This ‘weird’ question never leaves me, but places me between “the hammer and the anvil” throughout my life.
The Issue of Our Souls. Now, I do intend to give you the meaning of “the anvil and hammer” in my experience, but first, we must set out the real issue and the point of this page. Our study of 1 Peter is a study of the salvation of our souls. The salvation of our souls is something different from other elements of our Glorious Salvation.
The issue of our souls is identity, that is, the story we tell ourselves about ourselves, and the solution for our souls is Christ Jesus, our only Life, that is, to bring Jesus into every moment we live and have lived. We do not want to re-build this Truth, but to refine our understanding of the transformation of our human identity inside our present topic of faith and suffering.
Facing the Truth. First, it is critical that what I just said about giving an account should be very stark, even brutal, in our acknowledgement. The brutal starkness vanishes into joy as we discover that giving an account is right now and that the only account we give is Christ Jesus sharing all with us. Yet we must first face the facts head on, otherwise we will lie in our hearts towards God concerning ourselves. And lying about ourselves is the reason to reject God – for no reason.
There are three questions God asks in order to pry open our shells, to force us to face the truth of all our falseness. God asks two questions, “Where are you?” And “Where is your brother?” And Jesus asks the third question, “Who do you say that I am?” (That’s a nudging hint.)
Here Am I. Notice that Adam refused to answer God; whereas Jesus answered the same question immediately. Adam’s response was to point the “blame” at other people. Jesus said, “Here am I, I and all the children whom You have given Me.” With Cain, God skipped the “where are you,” and got right at the Adamic perversion. “Cain, where is your brother?” Cain’s answer was, in effect, “I refuse my brother.”
We follow Jesus. When God asks us, “Where are you?” We answer with certainty. “Here am I, Father, here inside of Jesus, and I have all these people whom You brought into my life here inside my heart, for I would return to You carrying each one of them with me.”
Faith Comes First. What is the purpose of suffering? We can say two things about suffering. First, it is common to all, and second, suffering has no purpose whatsoever – apart from faith.
Suffering happens, but faith comes first before suffering can become something of great value for us. We have placed faith first, so what value, then, does our suffering bring to us?
But let’s bring in Peter’s words again. Inside of this salvation, you greatly rejoice. For a little while at present it is inevitable that you are distressed and grieved in various trials, so that the proving of your faith, which is more precious than perishing gold being refined through fire, that your faith might be found into praise and glory and honor inside the unveiling of Jesus Christ.
Two Things We Gain. When we receive suffering through faith, the two things of great VALUE that we gain are first, honesty, and second, Compassion. Another way to say “honesty” is – “no sufficiency in self; all sufficiency in God.” And another way to say “compassion” is “sharing Hheart with God.” Let’s start with honesty.
Explaining the Chart. The resolution of self at the center comes ONLY from our surrender to a Jesus who has already come into union with us. This surrender is the first part of honesty – I can do nothing. Other people do things that hurt us, but unresolved PAIN comes only from refusing to forgive. The result is a self-story defined by accusing others. We do things that hurt other people, but unresolved GUILT comes only from refusing to say, “I was wrong.” The result is refusing our brethren as well.
Then, the authority given to us and the need to belong sort of merge together, with lying and unbelief in both and identifying with the world and/or becoming bullies coming out from both. In either case, the great threat to a Christian harboring unresolved accusation and guilt is giving an account, that is, the UNVEILING of what is inside.
Our Page. Now, we are creating a JS2 page, and I want to make it as meaningful as possible. The positives of Christ our life are the only things that resolve the negatives of lying and unbelief.
We will have one large box again. The first subheading will be “Suffering through Faith.” Next, I realize that our chart gives us five topics. The second will be “Jesus with Me,” followed by “Resolving Pain,” and “The Value of Honesty,” that is, going in one direction first. Then, going out from “Jesus with Me” in the other direction will be “Resolving Guilt,” and “The Value of Compassion.” Peter’s conclusion regarding the great value of our faith in the midst of suffering will be our final topic, “The Unveiling.”
Such Incredible Value. In our key verse, Peter calls our suffering as “distressed and grieved in various trials.” With James and Paul, he places all of our human agony into “Rejoice.” Peter also refers to a suffering that has no value. This is anything we have undergone that we do not receive as Jesus sharing all with us through faith.
The incredible thing about “gates of pearls” is that we create for ourselves our own entrance into all that is God through our response to things (and especially people) we don’t like. We give thanks in general, but we actively engage with Jesus to turn specific pain into goodness for the sake of others. In this way our whole lives become such incredible value, not just to the Father, but to many.
Suffering through Faith. Suffering is common to all and brings little benefit to most. Yet I live through faith, carried by grace. Through faith, I receive all difficulty inside of joy, knowing that Jesus shares all with me. As Jesus’ faith inside of me is proven inside of fire, and as I love Him, so great value is formed through all the aspects of my human heart of flesh. My person at the center is always Jesus with me. His truth defines me; His watch-care fills my ambition to rule. His compassion returns with me to God, and His dwelling place forever is my home.
Giving an Account. “Giving an account,” “naked in His presence,” and “the Unveiling of Jesus Christ,” are three ways of saying the same thing. God wants to know what we have done with the Jesus He has Sent into us. (Think – the Parable of the Talents.)
Our chart is of the human heart as the central organ of our souls. All of our desires, emotions, and thoughts come out from our hearts. Think of the horror of standing naked and alone in the Presence of the Almighty with the person at your center being only yourself, “Me, as my own source and cause.” Think of the Joy with the person at your center being Christ Jesus sharing all with you and resolving all. This is not the ideas of the mind, but the fabric of the human heart.
Who Do You Say That I Am? God does not force Jesus or propitiation on anyone. Having forgiveness does no one any good. I must receive Jesus as the One who comes into union with me, and I must apply His propitiation to every part of my life. Those who will not, even those who are born again and filled with the Spirit, will present blame of others and self-achievements in this world in the moment of unveiling.
I have continued for one reason, I must have “Jesus with me” as my answer. I cannot approach a God of Fire any other way. Who do you say that I am? – Jesus, You are my only life. You share Yourself with me and I with You. You fulfill all Word as we share all together. Lord Jesus, You propitiate all the wicked things I have done. My brethren are as You to me, Lord Jesus.”
Jesus with Me. I face head on the certainty that I must give an account of my life in the presence of a God who is All-Consuming Fire. Everything inside of me will be unveiled for all to see. When God asks where I am, I reply, “Here inside of Jesus.” When God asks where my brethren are, I reply, “They are all here with me, carried in my heart.” And to Jesus I say, “You share all that I am with me, and I share all that You are with You. Jesus, You Propitiate me towards all.”
To Resolve. The word “resolve” is the key synonym of “propitiate.” I could have used the word “resolve” in the translation, but “propitiate” retains the meaning of the Blood. We are first looking at all the things in life that we don’t like, all the actions of people that have hurt us in some way, and all the circumstances that did not go the way we wanted. Most of what we call suffering comes in this way.
What does it means that Jesus, by His Blood AND sharing all with us, propitiates between us and all these hurtful things, bringing every one of them into resolution becoming JOY? Each specific pain can become in me either a pearl of great Value through which I enter into God, or a stumbling stone of blame through which I refuse God and the other person.
The Greater Value. I have only one real choice, ever. – Jesus or not-Jesus. Let’s put together in one all the pain I have ever had inflicted on me in my life. What could possibly be of greater value to me than the machine-gun blame and accusation going out from me against all these despicable people?
The Blood of Jesus shed for me is of greater Value.
And in a moment, it is all resolved. In a moment I can walk among all of those people and receive each with joy, willing to bear the same Value inside of God for their sake. Yes, it is costly, very costly, but the Blood is always greater. The Blood measures my Value to God my Father. With such Love given to me, I am unable to withhold it from anyone.
Resolving Pain. All through my life, other people have hurt me, usually unintentionally but sometimes with cruel intent. In myself, I would respond with bitterness and accusation, and my self-story would be defined by my judgments against others. But I am inside of Jesus, who Propitiates all by His Blood, giving answer and great purpose to all my pain. Because God values me by that Blood, so I am able to place the same Love upon each. As Jesus removes all blame from my self-story, so I live in quiet honesty and with an open heart towards all.
The Hidden Self. Consider Peter’s words. – The hidden self of the heart, inside of an indestructible spirit, gentle and peaceful, something that is very costly and of great value inside the presence of God.
When the Spirit says “wife,” that means you and me receiving Word into ourselves. And when the Spirit says “husband,” that means you and me speaking Christ into others. The wife side of Word is the great Value coming into us – Truth in the inward parts. And the husband side of Word is the great Value going out from us – Compassion for others.
C.S. Lewis, in The Great Divorce, shows how the hurts others have done against a person become the blaming definitions of self, “priceless treasures” that people cling to, though they live in hades.
Nothing Left to Lose. In this context, then, the saying is true, that “Love is just another word for nothing left to lose.” When we receive with joy every individual person who has caused us hurt in our entire lives, we truly have “nothing left to lose.” But then we discover that now, “all things are ours,” but especially all these people now become as Jesus to us, the Treasure of our lives forever.
“Search me, Oh God, and see if there be any wicked way in me.” This is NOT to condemnation, as we once thought, but to the salvation and healing of our souls. We are not searching for “what I did wrong,” but for the quiet and gentle honesty that is the fruit of union with Christ Jesus. A soul all-sufficient in God is the dwelling place of Treasure.
The Value of Honesty. As the Resolution of Jesus becomes the quiet honesty of my soul, so I no longer possess any sufficiency in myself. Indeed, I can lose nothing, for I have nothing left to lose. But as Truth defines my inward parts, so also does the knowledge of God my Father. God is my All-Sufficiency, and I am filled with Treasure. All things now belong to me. As I speak the same goodness and blessing towards all who have hurt me, giving thanks for the sake of all, so each one of them also becomes great treasure to me, the Joy and reward of my life forever.
Useless Suffering. The wicked things we have done against others are far more powerful than hurt coming from others, in the obfuscation and false dancing taking place in our self-stories, especially when the LIGHTS turn on.
I long thought that Peter’s words about there being no value in suffering for wicked deeds stood against my teaching that we can turn even our missteps into wisdom and life for others. Now I see that there is no contradiction. If I hide my wicked deeds from God (only in my ridiculous imagination), then no good of any kind will proceed from any suffering that comes because of them. But when I place the evil things I have done against others into the Propitiation that is Jesus, I become just innocence.
Run into the Fire. But just as honesty means that I have nothing to lose and no reason to hide, so just innocence means the same. If my brother comes to me and says, “What you did hurt me, Daniel.” I can freely say, “You are right, my dear brother. I have no excuse. Please forgive me.”
We are talking about the Salvation of our SOULS! That means full harmony in every part of our thinking, our emotions, and our desires with a God who is Love, Love that first looks like Fire to us. My answer to God, “Where is your brother, Daniel,” will be Cain’s answer, unless I run, with all my wicked doings against everyone I have known, into the Fire that is God.
Resolving Guilt. I agree with God when He shows me the wicked things I have done that have hurt other people so cruelly. I run with all my awfulness only into God, only into the Fire. Through the Propitiation of His Blood, Jesus removes my iniquity from me and gives me His just innocence in its place. Now I can synergeo with God even to turn all my folly into the outcome of goodness for the sake of others. By the Blood, I return to my Father with all joy, carrying all whom He has brought into my life inside my heart, inside the Compassion of God.
Love Suffers Long. Here’s the thing. The great VALUE coming out from such a desperate and absolute run into God is Compassion for others. For since He himself has suffered, having been tested [by evil], He is able to rescue actively and completely those who are being tested (Hebrews 2:18). – And we also. Compassion for others is sharing Hheart with God.
Go back to that picture of the ride in the ski lift with the broad view of faith towards all things about to come. What fills that seemingly empty space? – Other people, forever. And what does it mean to have other people coming at us forever? It means that Love suffers long, as the Bible says. “Compassion” means sharing together with someone’s pain.
Bowels of Compassion. The pain that comes to us from other people’s actions against us is the louder pain, but the pain that we have inflicted on others goes much deeper in our ruin, though we deny it. What is my response when I hear my own children’s account inside of God of the pain I worked against them? I want to defend myself, but if I did, I would destroy them.
Here is my point, as Jesus said, “The one who is forgiven much forgives much.” The depths to which Propitiation goes into me on my behalf, not for what others did, but for what I did or did not do, things that were selfish and wrong, it is to those same depths that Propitiation creates in me the very Compassion that is the Father Himself.
To put on bowels of Compassion is to fill our souls with God.
The Value of Compassion. Compassion means to share the suffering of others. Compassion means to share Hheart with God. As I put the Compassion that is Jesus upon myself, so I become as a dwelling place for many, a place where each one belongs. Yet the first One who is at Home inside of me is my Father, and with Him come all those whom I once treated so badly. To the depths that the Propitiation of Jesus goes inside of me, so I become that same Resolution for others, sharing their grief, and carrying the sorrows of each. I have come home.
Enter into Joy. The lights are turning on. The cover is coming off. I WILL HEAR every single person I have done evil against give an honest account of my involvement in their lives inside the very Presence of a God of Fire. And I WILL GIVE an account for what I have done with every single person God has brought to me over the course of my life, beginning with what I have done with Jesus.
“Here am I, oh God my Father, here inside of Jesus. And I carry into You every single person You have brought my way, here inside my heart, with all JOY.” – “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”
For Father’s Sake. “Being ruler over many things” means to share Hheart, to share all Compassion, with God. That the proving of your faith… might be found into praise and glory and honor inside the unveiling of Jesus Christ.
The Unveiling. The lights are turning on; the cover is coming off. Everything found inside of me will be seen and considered by all. My faith, the faith of the Lord Jesus inside of me, is proven Faithful and True. My own soul, complete and whole, is found as Value and Honor inside the revelation of Jesus. The suffering of my soul has born the fruit of knowing My Father as I hear the words, “Well done, My good and faithful son.” I share Compassion with God forever.
A First Hammer and Anvil. I shared earlier about my life having been lived “between the hammer and the anvil.” When I first wrote that, I was feeling great inadequacy and pressed-in-ness. The truth is, I am usually filled with peace inside of grace.
The anvil in my life is my particular inadequacies, the deep inability to stand against the hard foreheads of others. Yet neither have I ever bowed. Usually words just vanish. The hammer in my life is the overwhelming drive to know the Word, to know Salvation, to know what God means by what He says. This is not obligation, but unrelenting desire. The great and constant contradiction, then, is that I have so much to share, so much value freely available for so many, but no ability to share beyond what is safe and familiar.
A Second Hammer and Anvil. Many are capable of speaking word with great authority such that thousands run to hear. I am not. Yet how could I share anything if I did not know that it was the Truth of God? What answer would I give, to myself or to God, it amounts to the same thing, if I stopped?
That’s one hammer and anvil combination, but it runs equally with a second. The hammer in the second is my great desire to be part of the community of my heart. And the anvil is my complete inability to make it happen. Every time I have sought to see my desire come to pass, it has gone nowhere, whether in word or in gathering. I fail consistently. Yet when was the last time I made an attempt? Yesterday. And when will be the next? Today. – For 50 years.
The True Fear of God. There are two words that I hear inside the thought of just quitting. First – “My Soul has no pleasure in those who draw back.” And second – “You have been faithful in little.”
Let me define the True fear of God. True Fear means that I have never been afraid of God, being always free to run into Him regardless of all my mess. It also means that I live in the certainty of His requirement of me, that I give Him answer. And it means that I know that lying and refusing to believe His word are not options. There are three things I do not comprehend. I do not comprehend ingrained dishonesty. I do not comprehend placing the dereliction of humans as greater than what God says. And I do not comprehend manipulating others for malicious self-gain. I do not comprehend because I fear God.
Reading for Next Time. Last time, I had placed “I Live out from God’s Desires,” as being the lesson for this time. As I was working on both, I realized that “Suffering and My Soul” contained an important groundwork for what I wanted to share in the other, thus I switched the order. Do be sure you have read “People.”
In the next lesson, I want to look into the souls of Spirit-filled believers in Jesus who do not know union with Christ, and who approach the Fire that is God, knowing that Fire, yet not through Jesus sharing all of life with them, but rather, through their own doings, through “will-power.” The Tree of Life is thinking like Jesus; it requires the changing of our minds. The tree of knowing good and evil requires will-power, throwing us into hostility against God.
Let’s Pray Together. “God, our Father, we now understand why our souls must be in peace towards You before we could ever be Your Highway into our world. Jesus is our peace. Yet Father, being found inside Your bright honesty and Your bowels of Compassion, we are caught in the fervent and determined flow of Your Love towards Your Church.
“Father, You loved us when we were enemies raging against You. We know that Your Love through us embraces humans just like ourselves. Father, search our souls, that there might be nothing in us that prevents us from humbling ourselves with You towards all our fellow believers, that You might reveal Jesus inside Your Church.
“God, our Father, we see our fellow Christians throughout the world steeped in dishonesty, unable to believe Your Word, building their own kingdoms, and in league with the wicked purposes of this world. We were the same, yet Jesus loved us.
“Father, we would be that same Love for our fellow Christians, that You might be glorified, that Your Word might be proven True, that all creation would KNOW that our God is what He says. Bring our souls into perfect harmony with Your Soul, oh God, with Your thoughts and passions, marked by the drive of Your desire. We know that You do, for You have given Yourself utterly to us. Oh God, we CALL YOU now into Your Church. Come, Lord Jesus.”