5.3 Marriage
© 2018 Christ Revealed Bible Institute
Sharing Hheart with God IS sharing heart with one another. My wife and I live together and share life together BECAUSE we are married. The Church is the Church when she is, in all ways, married, married to Jesus and thus, married to one another.
Receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God (Romans 15:7). How does Jesus receive us? Jesus receives us as His Bride in full marriage union together with Him. We receive one another in exactly the same way. And “to the glory of God” means, specifically, Father revealed through reciprocal Love.
Commitment. Christian Community is marriage, and the commitment of marriage is how it exists. With great care and out of the deepest levels of my heart, I hope to lay before you, in this short lesson, what that commitment is and means.
Our marriage together as the Church is similar in many ways to a mature and successful marriage of many years between husband and wife. Yet there are specific and significant differences as well; we must understand both. You see, how can we be “married” and yet be both eunuchs and virgins? This conundrum is quite easily understood, however, an understanding I hope to impart.
Through Jesus. “Forsaking all others” means that our commitment of marriage is with the Lord Jesus Christ. “One another” comes only out from that first marriage union.
Inside my marriage with Maureen, there is her and me, and no one else will ever come into that picture. Our marriage together (you and me) inside of Jesus is different. Our marriage together is always through Jesus. Just as Jesus is always our connection with Father in Person, so Jesus is always our connection with one another.
And thus my marriage, through Jesus, is with the Church as all who belong to Him. For that reason, individual people may come and go in my life, yet the experience of marriage remains.
Heart Meaning. Let’s begin, however, with how marriage with one another as the local church is similar to marriage as husband and wife.
When Maureen and I were married, we spoke an oath that we would walk together, share life together, and love one another, for the remainder of our days and exclusive of all others. Those marriage vows, for us, have NO legal or religious meaning, in fact, to think of such now is strange to me. Our marriage vows have had and now retain for us only one kind of meaning – heart meaning. It is by heart that I am wedded to Maureen and by heart that she is wedded to me. Everything else is peripheral.
Not Socialism. Our marriage together as the local church is similar; we are committed to one another by heart in a similar way (minus the physical) as a husband and wife are.
Consider a community of 75 people, of whom 30 are children. That leaves 45 adults walking together in the same heart commitment that is marriage. This is why such Community is not socialism. Their togetherness is that of marriage, but to all outward entities, whether individuals or other communities of any type, the relationship is free-market property-right only.
My wife and I share fully all moneys and all property. That doesn’t mean we don’t squabble occasionally, nor that we don’t have certain things that are our own possession.
But Father’s. Yet our marriage together as the local church is different as well. And the primary difference is the direct personal involvement and inclusion of Father and Son.
Jesus is and remains a “silent partner” in my marriage with Maureen – and such is God’s order and dispensation. God intends our present husband-wife marriage to be its own thing, and to contain full physical intimacy.
Marriage together in the Church is not ours, but Father’s through the Lord Jesus. For that reason there is no physical component in our life together (except to kiss one another with a holy kiss, a practice some take literally, though I would not).
Worship. Nonetheless, there is a spiritual worship that is similar in many ways to the physical intimacy between husband and wife. This spiritual worship is a real and in-the-moment love relationship between Jesus and us together, whereby He plants the Seed that He is in our womb, in our life together, that Father might be seen and known.
I have experienced such spiritual worship together with other believers, but only under a Third Feast word and inside of Christian community. Such a level of worship is rarely known elsewhere, yet it is very much part of the fruit of Christ, of God’s opportunity to become known.
A Sweet Experience. Let me share something a reader shared with me that she had experienced. ~~~
I was reminded of one of the sweetest experiences of my life.
It happened in China, in 2004. Our small band had the unexpected privilege and honor of meeting and worshipping with what we call the "underground church". At one such gathering, we were invited to a very large, expensive apartment home. About 20 local brothers and sisters were there to greet us. They led us to the innermost room of the apartment (so neighbors would not hear us) and shut the doors. The room was small so people were standing, sitting on the floor, the bed, wherever there was an inch of space.
It wasn't long before they began to sing; sing with such passion and love to our Father and to our elder brother Jesus. As they sang songs to the Lord, they would close their eyes, lift their hands, fall on their faces, weep or be overwhelmed with joy. But when they sang songs about the Lord, they would move around the room, embrace each other, and look into one another's eyes and sing boldly to each other. The intimacy was overwhelming. I will never forget it.
I have shared with some small groups of brothers and sisters here in the US, asking if we might try to do this, but it seems that the intimacy and transparency it brings are frightening and most people cannot participate. I long for the day, when we, as members of one another, our faces unveiled, will not fear what another member sees in us, because we know they are looking at us with Father's eyes.
Stand Fast in Liberty. Now, here is the thing about our commitment to one another as the Church, the commitment that makes us family. Every individual person is fully free in Christ. – Owe no man anything except to love one another (Romans 13). – It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).
Because the Church must be free and fluid in the hand and Spirit of Christ, then no obligation can exist between any individual believer and a particular assembly or place. Every believer moves only by their own heart’s intent through the unfolding of God’s seasons for them.
Freedom and Submission. If someone says, “I’m out of here,” for whatever reason, we bless them in their going as Christ Himself. If they discover leaving was a mistake, so what! Welcome to the human race. A “mistake” remains a mistake only outside of faith, outside of God and us together turning all things towards blessing.
Our marriage to one another remains always THROUGH Christ. And if Christ in my brother desires a season of solitude, or of recreation, my commitment is to Christ, not to keeping anyone tied to me. Nonetheless, inside that continuous and perfect freedom, there is a continual submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord that is of the quality of heart-marriage.
Submitting My Will. Let me get right at the critical truth regarding submission to one another inside of our commitment to the Community with whom God has joined us.
Let’s say I want to keep a Pit Bull in my back yard. Many in the community are concerned and do not agree that such a thing would be wise. Do I assert, “Hey, that’s Christ as me, so tough!” Using “Christ as me” to get my way against others destroys community just as it would destroy any marriage. So, yes, no matter how much I think I NEED a Pit Bull, I will submit my will to the brethren and choose against my own inclination – just as when my wife says, “No!”
Communication. Marriage works, however, only with open and regular communication. Christian community is the same. And thus carefully guarded communication is one of the primary keys to successful community. (Guarded means respect for one another’s thoughts carefully upheld.)
Now all these things we will develop specifics regarding as we progress through the course. Here, we want to place all decisions made inside a community into the context of marriage union. You see, Symmorphy and Koinonia are intrinsically tied together and share very similar characteristics. If God and I walk as one, who is making the decisions?
Symmorphy – Koinonia. If you and I together walk as one, who makes the decisions?
But let me lay out again this great dichotomy found in Symmorphy/Koinonia, the tension between two all in all’s, commitment AND freedom. When I look at the evidences of a lack of commitment, I see no fruit of Christ that has ever interested me. When I look at the press of obligation as a human substitute for commitment, I see, also, no fruit of Christ.
True commitment is of the heart, something that we give to one another with no strings attached. True freedom is the high regard and respect we give to one another, to honor each as the Lord Jesus Himself.
Reciprocal. I commit myself to you, to walk together in one heart and purpose, as married in and as the Church. – I release you from myself in all things, you bear no obligation to me. < Then Reciprocal > You commit yourself to me, to walk together in one heart and purpose, as married in and as the Church. – You release me from yourself in all things, that I bear no obligation to you.
This commitment to and setting free must always be two, one with one. There can be no commitment to a “group.” Even in the assembly, love remains personal, one with one. Yet this is no commitment to “Christ” as self, otherwise perceived as selfishness.
Enemies and Elements. And thus we have four things that are the enemies of Koinonia, with their opposites, which are the bond of life together.
| Lack of Commitment | Obligation | Regarding Decisions |
| Selfishness | Conformity to the Group | Regarding Motivation |
| Individualism | Collectivism | Enemies of Koinonia |
| Heart Commitment | Setting Others Free | Regarding Decisions |
| Liberty in Christ | Receiving all as Christ | Regarding Motivation |
| Individual Member | Assembly | Elements of Koinonia |
The truth is, this arrangement applies to our Symmorphy with Father through Jesus just the same. And Jesus in Person is the Bond of both Symmorphy and Koinonia.
Eunuchs. Let’s apply the conundrum of walking together as married, yet remaining, each one of us, both eunuchs and virgins – as a development of the “Enemies” of Koinonia.
To be a “eunuch” is to give of one’s self freely, without pretense or lying on the one hand and without obligation or control on the other hand. Being a “eunuch” in no way means stripping myself of myself, for if “I” am not there, neither is Christ. Being a “eunuch” means I am real as Christ through me, loving you as you are. Being a “eunuch” means that I do not speak my bitterness and unbelief, my twisted human judgment into you. It means speaking Christ into you, lifting you up, restoring you to the knowledge of your precious union with Jesus, and not allowing my own self-judgment to intrude.
Virgins. Being a “virgin,” not “defiled with women,” goes in the other direction. Adam cast the entire cosmos into death by his decision to “fix” his prostitute wife. Jesus took that entire cosmos into death upon the cross, arising into newness of life, by His decision to turn His back on His “Eve,” and walk away from her, even while carrying her inside His heart as His Fierce Joy.
Being a “virgin” in this context, means that I never allow you to keep me from entering into the next measure of the knowledge of God, and settling for a lesser word or vision. It means I never “leave the wall,” as Nehemiah did not, to “discuss truth” in the temple. It means that I never consider “fixing” you, nor do I allow any cord of obligation coming from you to entangle me in the bondage of pretending. It means that when you speak not-Christ into me, I continually reject your words, as best I may.
Balance. The more I look back at these two charts, the more I see the immense importance it is for all to understand this balance that must be the heart of any gathering together. Indeed, the “Elements of Koinonia” are the elements of any healthy marriage, and you will find the “Enemies of Koinonia” preceding any divorce. Yet the difference between Koinonia versus marriage between husband and wife in this age is also critical to our understanding of being married to Christ in His Church. I am married to my wife, end of story. But I am married to you in the Church only THROUGH the Lord Jesus. It is by my commitment to Jesus that I receive you.
Symmorphy through Koinonia. If we are walking together as the Church, then we commit our hearts to one another to walk together in love. But if the Lord takes either you or me on to a next season in our lives – and with a different set of believers in Jesus, then the commitment continues as a heart commitment.
At no point do we ever place an obligation to a particular group upon ourselves or upon one another. And thus we stand in liberty, even while setting one another free. And we give from heart commitment even as we receive one another as Jesus Himself.
In this way, our union with Christ, symmorphy – Person inside of person, shows itself through our walking together, koinonia – many persons together as one. That is – Marriage.